I spent this weekend in Fresno for Miss California Orientation, the first time all 59 contestants gather together before they meet again at competition time in June. Its an exhausting but fun weekend filled with opening number rehearsals, mock interviews, talent reviews, and getting dressed up.
I was tanned, manicured/pedicured, hair done, protein bars packed, and outfits tailored...feeling perfectly prepared for the weekend. But I've realized when I'm feeling too comfortable or confident, I tend to not rely on God as much as I need to. So He graciously reminds me of that need. A wave of doubt came over me Friday night as I second guessed my preparedness and even if I was cut out for this calling. But as I laid in bed listening to worship music, I felt not only silly for wasting energy on these doubts, but so at peace by God's presence. I have felt this calling in my heart and regardless of the circumstances, must solely focus on that calling.
I was reading a blog with a truth that really spoke to me. It said "God must develop our character in the quiet if we're ever to be used effectively in public." Even when the chase of a goal seems stagnant or impossible, that is when He wants me to rely on HIS strength most. In our challenges, God is testing us. Will we turn to our own devices for quick and uncertain advice, or will we turn to His perfect wisdom? God has created a perfect timeline for our lives in which the desires in our heart and the dreams we've dreamt will be fulfilled when the time is best.
What I took away from my weekend was how silly it is for me to focus on the negative criticisms or speculations from other people about this competition. I ought to focus my best energy on opening my heart to be transformed God, open my ears to hear His wisdom and voice, and open my mind to patience and trust in His perfect timing to answer the call He's given me.
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