As I sit here in bed at 6:20 am with nothing but a 12 mile run and last minute things to pack separating me from my Fresno departure, I can't believe the time has come! I've been preparing for Miss California since I left the parking lot last year when the competition ended, but really, I feel God has been preparing me for quite a bit longer without my realization.
Michael Jordan said the one thing that separates the good from the great is heart. This is the Michael Jordan who is known as one of the world's greatest basketball players, the same boy who was cut during tryouts from his high school basketball team. I think I know how he felt because I felt the same way when I didn't win any pageants I competed in for many years. But I wasn't going to let any judge's opinions keep me from giving up on what I knew I was supposed to be doing. Brick walls aren't put up to say 'stop pursuing your dream, its time to give up and turn around.' No way--they are there to see how badly we want it and if we will do what it takes to leap over the wall.
The one thing I knew I had to do was surrender. I had to give my talents, my willpower, my desires, my heart all back to God, the one who is in control to begin with. I realized that if I was going to find success, (true, lasting, rewarding success), it was not going to be gained by my own efforts but only by allowing God to accomplish His will for me. I told someone recently how different just one year of life has made me--I feel as though I've grown 5 years in the span of twelve months. I've prayed for the Lord to prepare me--to grow me in areas of weakness and help me solidify my identity in who he has made me to be and not what others see me as. I let God write my story for the last year, and even as I head to Fresno, the pen remains in His hand!
When Danny Cahill from the Biggest Loser spoke at my church a month ago, he said if you can identify your why, your body can endure just about anything to help you achieve it. In other words, if I knew why I wanted to be Miss California, God would take care of the "How" I'd be Miss California part. So I suppose I should put my "Why" into words. I desire to serve as Miss California because of the potential impact I can make in the lives of others. Giving of yourself is to me the most rewarding thing in life. I want to tell others they were made for a purpose and to embrace who they are--flaws and all. I want to carry in my hand a torch of light to inspire darkened hearts in a society consumed by superficiality and be a living example to young women that success in this world doesn't require perfection. I'm as imperfect as the next person. The only difference is I've recently accepted my imperfections and experienced true freedom and inner peace, as well as empowerment to know I'm an instrument in the hands of God. I'd take the job of Miss California if it didn't involve a crown or anything glamourous. My reward in life will not be to look back on a dusty collection of crowns when I'm 80 years old, but it will be marked by the lives I've touched doing as much good as I could to further God's kingdom with my time here on earth.
The end of Esther 4:14 says "Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?"
Other translations read "called into royalty." I am entering this pageant unlike any other in my life. Previously, I put myself in control of my results and performance. But what a weight off my shoulders to have surrendered that control to God. I'm at peace knowing He has my best interest at heart and if this isn't His will for me, something better awaits. In whatever you face, I hope you can also experience that peace knowing there's really nothing you can do to change who God has made you to be and what He has called you to do. Prepare and work hard to be the best version of yourself you can be, but when battles and missions come, He will do the fighting for you. With that I can say, I am Rachel Berry, made to be just how I am by purposeful design, ready to shine my light for Christ, and proudly wear the crown that reads God's daughter, friend, and tool. If you know who you are and whose you are, you can't go wrong.
"My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. So be glad to boast in weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through you."
-2 Corinthians 12:9
"Don't be selfish, don't try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself."
-Philippians 2:3
"A person may plan his own journey, but the Lord directs his steps."
-Proverbs 16:9
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