Do you ever have moments where you realize how silly you are? Not in a comical way, but in a "geez, if I had only listened to the advice I was giving for my own self!" The Lord gave me a pretty great moment of realization.
As I prepare for Miss California (13 days away), I have been asking the Lord to prepare me. I know that because I serve a faithful God, when I ask for something, he provides in abundance beyond my expectations. So instead of fretting that I won't be prepared or how to do it myself, I've been at peace knowing the Lord will show me areas of weakness, build me, shape me, and provide me with all I need and more to go forward in this mission He's calling me into.
It was after completing a mock interview where I had been asked about my platform, which is an organization called Girls, Inc., that one of the judges told me she felt I was holding back from being vulnerable. She had asked me why I chose that as my platform, and in hindsight, I had given a simple answer about how I have been involved in after-school programs for young children since high school and it is something I'm passionate about. She challenged me on this. She knew there was a deeper reason I had chosen my platform even though I didn't. The Lord wanted me to go deeper--reveal part of my personal testimony. I think I was hesitant because I thought if I shared some of my past brokenness, I wouldn't fit the mold I needed to. How silly of me! Ironically, that was the day I had posted the Joyce Meyer quote about God's light shining brighter through cracked pots than those who have it all together. If I had only listened to what I was preaching!
Thankfully, I have a second chance! I am so grateful God revealed this to me and am encouraged to see His hand at work in me along this process. So why did I chose my platform? I had to take awhile to really think about this. I had been attracted to its mission (empowering all girls to be smart & bold) and it seemed to be a natural fit. I identified that I liked this organization because it was telling girls the words I wish I had heard at a younger age. I thought if I was as close to perfect as I could be--academically, in dance, running, socially, at church, in my family, etc. that made me a valuable person. I tried to hold my life together like it was a package with a pretty bow on top. For years I struggled with never feeling "good enough." I dwelled on my flaws and limited what I thought was possible for my future because I wasn't perfect enough. Sadly, every girl faces this to some degree. It has been through the past 3 years with my involvement in the Miss America Organization, and ultimately through accepting Christ as Savior and Lord of my life that I have embraced my flaws and celebrated my gifts. I've realized I'm predestined for greatness and God gave me every single trait, talent, and tool I need to get there. What I don't have, I don't need! What I do have, I lift up to Him and say use this for your glory God.
Each of us has stories and testimonies. We've all had brokenness and scars. Those don't keep us from "fitting a mold," but rather they make us real and personable examples of Christ's redeeming grace. Why try to fit a mold when there's a one-of-a-kind mold created just for you?
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